So close. Always so fecking close

More rant.

Im always SO CLOSE to things I want.  Dating, falling in love, meeting a pack member.

And it ALWAYS falls through.  Somehow. whyyyyyyyyyy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P9odR9_FQ4

Revamping

Since no one is ever on here, Im gonna revamp this as my personal blog since most don't follow me here and I'll be just talking to dead air.  Still might not go into details on the off chance someone did read this.

Something happened recently and it leaves me back where I always am.  Alone with nothing changing.  Living alone.  Doing things alone.  Romantically alone. Just alone.  I do have friends and great support but even that doesn't take away all the pain.  Tho I know ppl involved don't mean to hurt me, it still hurts.  Im still grieving.

I get my hopes up.  I allow myself to imagine and dream of positive things that are the cusp of happening or just starting to begin...only to have dreams shattered and hope fade away.

Im almost bitter that don't feel like I can vent on my personal Twitter.  To much risk of causing more pain to those who are hurting.  Too much risk of causing more drama and more guilt.  I may not even keep this up, for fear of someone clicking on it through my WRA blog.  BUT I also need an outlet.  I need to feel and scream and emotionally bleed.

Random ideas for later

Asked some friends for some middle happenings ideas.

Dangerous loner?
Another Species?
Natural disaster?
Humans?

I ALSO HAVE JUST BEEN BURDENED WITH GLORIOUS PURPOSE.  I WANT TO INCLUDE A TRIBE OF MOOSE :D

I don't have time right now, but I have come up with a rough scene for the ending.  Copied it from a skype convo with Dee and Chaz xD

"D:
[3/5/2015 4:49:59 PM] Samantha Williams: Ok, so BEFORE the actual comic takes place, I'm thinking there was like a bear attack.  Serkan, the leader then, pruning his son to take over eventually,  takes on the bear.  They fall off of a cliff type thing.  Serkan's now got a few wires loose xD
[3/5/2015 4:50:01 PM] Samantha Williams: Haha chaz xD
[3/5/2015 4:50:06 PM] Samantha Williams: NOW FAST FORWARD
[3/5/2015 4:50:31 PM] Samantha Williams: Oh, Serkan also massacred part of the pack and killed his mate :B
[3/5/2015 4:51:20 PM] Samantha Williams: So end, Alastair, being relucatant before because how can he kill his father, takes into action after Serkan shows up and kills another pack member.
[3/5/2015 4:52:05 PM] Samantha Williams: Enough is enough! and all that.  He leads Serkan away, unknowingly ending up on the same cliff that took his father's sanity in the first place.
[3/5/2015 4:53:00 PM] Samantha Williams: Some kind of scuffle takes place maybe?  I'm thinking then the bear (same one or maybe a diff one?) shows up.  Serkan, being given a spark of sanity, attacks the bear instaed of Al.
[3/5/2015 4:53:08 PM] Samantha Williams: FALLS OFF CLIFF AGAIN
[3/5/2015 4:53:37 PM] Samantha Williams: You know, I KNOW I'M A MENACE TAKE THIS GIFT OF MY DEATH AND KILLY THIS NUSIANCE
[3/5/2015 4:53:48 PM] Samantha Williams: Att he very end,
[3/5/2015 4:53:58 PM] Samantha Williams: Alastair goes down to see if either are still alive.
[3/5/2015 4:54:08 PM] Samantha Williams: The fall has given Serkan fatal wounds
[3/5/2015 4:54:40 PM] Chester C.: so many spoilers omg
[3/5/2015 4:54:40 PM] Samantha Williams: But has knocked him back to himself long enough for him to say to Al.  "Before I go...I am proud of-" DEATH
[3/5/2015 4:54:43 PM] Samantha Williams: xD
[3/5/2015 4:54:59 PM] Samantha Williams: It's kind of a morbid story xD
[3/5/2015 4:55:11 PM] Samantha Williams: So that's the end as I've got in my head so far.

Trying to condense a timeline.

1. Az and Dar bored patrol.
2. Scene with the young ones.
3. Darrow and Az show up. Report little signs of Serkan, other than old scent trails and tracks leading away, to Alastar.
4. Alastar has the guard change out with Verena and Lark.
5. Scene goes to Alastar entering the den to confer with Dusk.  With the border patrol back, Alastar takes Dusk out to survey places where Serkan has been sighted most.  Dusk, looking hesitant, suggests that Alastar end Serkan's suffering.  Why prolong it? Alastar is not pleased, and lashes out about Serkan being his father.  How could he kill his own blood?  But how could he keep his pack safe?  Dusk, bowing his head, leaves his alpha to his thoughts.

END CHAPTER 1.

1. Chapter 2 beings with hazy panels.  Distorted images.  Flashbacks of the pack.  Of Sheska.
2. Serkan comes across a small group of wolves.  Confused and in pain, he flips, slaughtering 2 of the them.  The remaining 2 wolves get away.  After the fight,  Serkan bays a long mournful howl (birds flee), and starts back in the direction from whence he came.
3. The scene splits to the birds flying, spreading the word that Serkan is moving toward the pack again.  This causes a panic and heightened tempers.

More for this chapter later.

SOMETIME AT THE END.
1. Whatever happens to fatally wound Serkan, it brings him back to himself.  Before he dies, he looks up at Alastar and says "Before I go...thank you".

Alright lets see...

If anyone is actually reading this, last post went through some of the main cast of characters (mah babies <3 a="" anymore.="" but="" come="" don="" eventually.="" fits="" for="" he="" hold="" i="" if="" it="" know="" ll="" me="" nbsp="" new="" old="" on="" one="" ooking="" p="" t="" title.="" to="" ust="" was="">
Soooo story what-its.

Alastar is the pack leader.  He is worried about an impending thread (Serkan).  Whenever Serkan's mind lets him have a moment of peace (he sustained head trauma), he moves away from the packlands.

I made need some more characters and such.  May use Lune and Verena again. Maybe Lark too, but they'll have some redesigns if I do.

1. Border patrol: Darrow and Azelia.  Start in a central location, split up until they meet again.  Looking for signs of game, predators, or most of all, signs of Serkan.

• Birds eye view of the layout of the land.  A howl is heard. Azelia has reached her first check point before Darrow.  She gleefully hops around in triumph, awaiting Darrow's response.  "Haha! Told him I would beat him again!  He'll be furious!" Azelia trots along the beaten path that encircles her packs territory.

2. View changes to the den.  Keres and Kudubh are wrestling.  Kudubh agilely leaps over Lune(?), closely being followed by Keres (Lune is sleeping).  Keres, being shorter and more compact, doesn't quite make the leap, and crashes over Lune.  Lune grumbles and stretches.  He is an elder of the pack, but doesn't like to let his age show.  His joints click as he gets up.  "With all that noise you're making your gonna lure a bear right toward us!" He jokes.  Keres jumps up, muscles taught, and stands tall.  "I'm as good as any bear maul! I could take down a bear!"  "HA!" laughs Kudubh "You couldn't even jump over Papa-Lune!  How could you take down a bear!?" Keres squares herself at Kudubh.  "You wanna see a bear maul? Here I c-"

• Ghair, who was laying off the side with Kuban staring blankly at the surroundings, raises his head suddenly, ears twitching.  The surrounding wolves freeze in their place.  They know to trust the young Ghair's senses.  They're all starting at Ghair now.  He sniffs the air and calmly says "Bird." and lays his head back down with an amused expression.  He can be a little troll when he wants to be.  Kuban snorts and laughs.  "Even I fell for that! Why didn't you let me in on it!" "Ghair smiles at his little friend.  "Funnier this way" he states. 
• Kudubh, after shaking his shocked expression off, laughs deep and hard.  "If I didn't know you, I would NEVER think you were a kidder Ghair! Good one xD" Keres snorts and gives Ghair a bemused expression.  

That's all for now xD

So many accounts!

I have like tons of accounts on different things XD I have been thinking about redoing an old comic idea.  Gonna use this for ideas and stuffs.

Keres:
            Determined.  Head strong.  Would give anything to be considered a bear maul.  Likes to look intimidating and alert.  She holds her ears up and pointed in.  Energetic.  Likes to play until she's physically exhausted.  Wants to become an alpha.  Smooth talker.  Tries to take the lead of her peers.

Kuban:
           Youngest of the pack.  Smart, witty, and charming.  She can be a know-it-all at times.  Very close to her brother, Kudubh. Will dish it out to Keres and can talk circles around her.  She keeps tabs on her brother, trying to keep him out of trouble.

Kudubh:
          Smarty-paws.  Jokester. Likes to flirt. He can overprotective of his younger sister Kuban.  Darrow finds him exceptionally annoying.

Ghair:
        Mostly blind.  He can see some outlines and blurred shapes.  Constantly alert.  Doesn't like to be distracted because it makes him feel vulnerable.  Keeps his mouth slightly  parted most of the time so he can use his sense of taste to get a better feeling of his surroundings.  Exceptional good hearing.  He's smart like Kuban,  Ghair and Kuban have a mutual understanding and are very comfortable with either other. He doesn't like fighting or negativity.  One wouldn't think so, but Keres and Ghair are close.  Ghair keeps her calm.  He is tall but a bit muscular.  His height makes him considered a Timber.  (more on that later)

Dusk:
         Quiet and gentle unless provoked.  He may be tall and thin, but he is incredibly quick and strong.  Level headed and decisive when he needs to be.  Alastar, having no heirs, is considering making Dusk the next alpha.  He is cousin to Darrow.  The pack respects Dusk, even Darrow.  Dusk is very protective of his pack. Dusk is a Timber.

Azelia:
         Azelia is spunky and energetic.  She is especially close to Darrow and fancies him.  Darrow loves her, but doesn't understand his own feelings well.  Azelia understands this and is letting Darrow come around on his own.  It takes a lot to get her down.  Mother-hens the young ones.

Darrow:
          Darrow is a big grump, plain and simple.  He normally holds a grumpy or confused expression.  He is always with Azelia.  He fancies her something awful but doesn't know how to handle all his 'feels'.  He loves his cousin Dusk, but may slightly resent not being considered for alpha.  He uses his grouchy attitude and massive size as a shield.  Darrow is not a fighter.  He'll hide away in battle and smack talk after the battle is done.  Despite his slight cowardice, he will protect Azelia. Darrow is a Timber.

Alastar:
         Alpha of the pack.  Level headed and stern.  Heavy and strong build.  He worries for the safety of his pack.  He is a bear maul.  Al is not the biggest bear maul, but he is a heavily built.  Alastar has a soft spot for the young ones.  He mentors and trains Dusk to be his heir.  Dusk is his confident and a trusted advisor.  Scared from fights with Serkan.

Serkan:
       Serkan was once a proud leader.  Strong and trusted.  He was driven mad when a fight with a bear went bad.  Serkan was knocked off an icy cliff and sustained extensive head trauma (hence the scares over his eyes).  Since that time, Serkan grows slowly more crazed and confused.  He terrorizes surrounding packs and picks fights with anything that crosses his path.  He is prone to boughts of severe aggression and limited recognition of familiar faces.  Serkan does have moments where he remembers who he is and can register what he's become. Serkan is a bear maul.

Sheska:
      A loving mate and mother.  Caring and protective.

Some recent sketches :)

Black Tail talking to Manami in a tree. :)

I wanted to draw Manami and Black Tail again xD I really like how they came out :)

Black Tail and her brother Alok :)

Doing a size chart of Black Tail and my RL friends characters :) Will poster finished colored product...eventually. Half of them don't know they're an animal x'D
A friend of mine has been having a tough time. Trying to be there for her.


Thas' all folks :)